Where do I come up with these amazing idea's?

Just want to say one thing:

Every laundromat should have one complimentary sock as you leave the door.

Just one.

'Nother Quickie

Top graduate in my class at Keesler. 100% average. I rock.

I'm now at Sheppard AFB in butt-fuck Wichita Falls, TX completing the second half of tech school. I'd say it's a blast here . . . but it's not . . . so I won't. July 2nd I graduate here and head home for 2-4 weeks on leave, then it's off to my first duty station at McGuire AFB, NJ. I can think of worse places to go, so I'm totally ok with that.

One more thing. I know you still read this . . . you know who I'm talking to. You never left the front of my mind. Call me. There's something I need to ask you.

And yes, I ended a sentence in a preposition.
...how I roll.

Holy crap I'm back.

So, where the fuck have I been, you ask? I made one of the best decisions of my life and joined the Air Force. (Again.) I'm an A1C in tech school for Integrated Avionics at Keesler AFB, Biloxi MS. I'll try to start updating here again, but it's been balls to the wall since I left in November.

Updates soon.

Stop asking me if I'm voting for your shitty candidate.

I'm getting fucking sick of all the trendy, Starbuck cappucino drinking, iPod/Mac using assholes out there going on about how badly they want to fellate Barack Obama. "BUT WE NEED CHANGE AND HE SAYS WE NEED CHANGE TOO ITS LIKE HE KNOWS US LOL!" It's called pandering to the fears of Americans, also known as telling you dipshits what you want to hear. Every one of his speeches are the same: he drones on about lollipops and fucking rainbows, everyone handing hands and sucking each others dicks. "HOPE CHANGE HOPE CHANGE VOTE FOR ME NOW LAWLS!"

Fortunately when someone comes to me with this shit there's a quick and efficient way of shuting them up. "But Willis," they blubber, "Obama represents hope and change!" And so I retort, "what is he going to change?"

...

This question is nearly always followed by a stupid expression and utter silience as the dipshit tries to think of something. Guess what, asshole . . . you can't. It's not entirely their fault though, because the reason they can't think of anything is because Obama hasn't said anything. Ever. He goes on about hope and fairy tales while giving me as few details as possible hoping my brain will automatically fill in the gap. I thought "surely people aren't that dense to vote for a candidate they know nothing about."

/facepalm

I knew better than that.

Barack looks down on America in glee as his flaccid penis is lodged firmly in their collective mouths.

As for McCain, he doesn't bother me too much, but his new VP selection does. Palin is Hilary Clinton on vallium. At first I thought it was a brilliant move, but then I heard the bitch talk. So, she's against everything I believe in? Awesome. Since McCain may die any minute, I really have to look at her as a possible president. No thanks. Hell, I'm reading an article right now explaining how her expenses while in office are under heavy scrutiny. For example, she seems to like to charge the state when sending her spoiled ass kids on vacation, because that's who I want in office: someone who takes my tax money and blows it on themself.

McCain pinches off a loaf on America vaguely resembling an uptight middle aged woman.

So it seems that, quite literally this time, we have a wish in one hand and shit in the other. I can't wait to see which is heavier >_>

Congrats, you killed your kid.

I often find that there's a direct relationship between how religious someone is and how fucking stupid they are.

(Article removed)

Basically, instead of taking their daughter to a doctor, the parents prayed. The kid died. Awesome parenting there.

If only their faith was stronger >_>

Kentucky is a state, dipshits.

For the love of God, I'm fucking tired of uneducated wankers trying to tell me that "Kentucky isn't a State, it's a commonwealth." I've tried many times, fruitlessly, to explain why that makes you a dumbass. The fact that it is always said condescendingly, as to imply that it's some little known fact that only this person is aware of, only increases the degree of their stupidity. The only thing worse is when I'm stuck in a room full of these people, all of whom believe fervently that Kentucky is not a state.

I'm sure people in Pennsylvania, Massachusetts, and Virginia have the same problem as I do, considering they also officially declare themselves as commonwealths. "OMG see see, they're not states either LOLOLOL!!!1!" Idiots . . . let me enlighten everyone as to the definition of a commonwealth:

com·mon·wealth (kŏm'ən-wělth')
n.
1. The people of a nation or state; the body politic.
2. A nation or state governed by the people; a republic.
3. Commonwealth
a. Used to refer to some U.S. states, namely, Kentucky, Massachusetts, Pennsylvania, and Virginia.

"commonwealth." The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition. Houghton Mifflin Company, 2004. 23 Jan. 2008.


For anyone whose reading comprehension skills are on the same level as knowledge of one's own state, I even highlighted the three instances that make you look like a tool.

Eat shit.

Dear Hollywood. Stop raping my eyes.

I may be all alone on this one but I really don't fucking care. I can't even tell you how many times in the last few years I've had a friend that came up to me and told me how great some shitty movie was to them. I began to wonder if maybe my friends were imbeciles. It soon became clear to me, after seeing how much these terrible movies grossed, that it wasn't my friends, but movie-goers in general who were shelling out the cash to go see the latest slop being excreted on theater screens everywhere.



At this point, I can't really blame Hollywood. I mean, clearly, Americans love terrible movies, pathetic acting and plots that make "Battlefield Earth" look like fucking Shakespeare. Here's some of the latest vomit-inducing flicks I've had the misfortune of seeing . . . and yet somehow managed to make more money then I'll make in my lifetime.



1.) Transformers



No, this isn't the awesome 1980's cartoon movie. This is the latest turd that Micheal Bay managed to pinch off onto my childhood memories. How can you possibly ruin a movie with so much potential? Well, first, make sure you choose actors that have no talent at all (with the exception of the consistently awesome John Turturro.) Hell even Jon Voight delivered his lines like he was asking himself "why the fuck am I here?"



Second, you know the already established plot line and continuity that fans everywhere are *already* in love with and expect to see? Get rid of it. In fact, don't use any plot at all. Plot just gets in the way of your amazing special effects, which brings me to my third point.



Now that you've spent the majority of you money and effort on making the CG transformers and special effects look amazing . . . shake the camera as violently and obnoxiously as you can to make certain your audience never sees anything cool looking on screen for more than an instant.



The only thing worse than watching a shitty movie it having to strain to see how bad it is. I seriously had a pounding headache from squinting through the entire movie trying to figure out what the hell was going on. I often found myself wondering what retarded chimpanzee with Parkinson's Bay found to film this dung heap. Then I remembered he does it for every movie he makes on purpose because he thinks it's artistic. Or maybe he's trying to piss people off. Too bad everyone is too busy sucking his flaccid penis to care.



Whatever . . . I still have the cartoon movie, which is far superior.



2.) Alien vs. Predator



I can't say this was any surprise, considering is was filmed and written by Paul W. S. (worthless shit) Anderson. This movie was nothing more than a craptastic fan-film made by a director who should have been run out of the country years ago. Once again, you take a great concept that's already laid out for you and twist it into some vile abomination. People were laughing in the audience in places that I KNOW the writer did not intend people to laugh. It's also the only movie I've ever seen that forced droves of people to walk out of in the middle.



And yet, made enough for a slightly less terrible sequel called . . .



3.) AvP: Requiem (currently grossing $30M)


Fox: No one would ever go see another AvP movie by Paul W.S. Anderson at this point, so what do we do? Hmm, lets grab a pair of FX specialists, who arbitrarily insist they be called the Bothers Strause, to direct the next slop heap, despite the fact they've never directed a movie in their lives! Yes . . . NOTHING can go wrong here!



This movie might have been better if it didn't pick up right after the last one, which is universally regarded as atrocious. Or if there was one single actor who was worth a shit. Oh, and the effects might have been ok, but the whole movie was filmed by candle light . . . so who the fuck knows. Nothing like sitting in front of a black screen for 90 minutes. I'll never understand why Fox Studios has a propensity to destroy the things that the love.



Ditch this shit.



4+.) Hot Rod/Superbad/Fred Claus/any other random comedy



Don't ever walk up to me and tell me how great these shitty comedies are unless you want a side-kick to the throat. If you've seen any one of these movies, you've seen them all. This is the sort of shit that panders to the audience that exclaims "OOOOOOO" whenever they see someone on screen fall down or get hit in the nuts for th 27th time. A good comedy can be funny without resorting to "gags" and canned jokes that I've heard a thousand times before. To do otherwise insults my intelligence as well as my wallet. Fuck you.

--------------



Lets do everyone everywhere a favor. Stop chucking out money for shitty movies. Only then will they stop making them.

Kentucky Scarecrow

It's times like these I love being from Kentucky. When a scarecrow just won't cut it, nothing else beats a giant propane canon who's impact your neighbors can feel 500 yards away. Read this shit: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20564433/?GT1=10357

First "Fanfilm"

The Paducah Imperials have posted our first fanfilm which, surprisingly (to me anyways,) has gotten a great response so far. I admit, I was worried it was going to suck balls, but it came out alright in the end. Check it here on youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hPbLHTV2yxE

All Quiet on the Western Front.

Well, I realize I haven't updated in over three months now. Don't get your hopes up though, cause I'm not updating it right now either.

Well, not in the sense that I have anything rant about. Not much ires me as of late. So, I thought I'd do something unusual and let people know what's been going on with me lately. This is primarily aimed at people who check my blog daily, and yet won't take the time to call or email me. You know who you are.

I don't feel like writing much, which works out considering I can sum up my life in about three words right now.

Broke. Single. Bored.

Alright, I lied a little. I'm gonna elaborate a bit on each point . . . mainly cause of the latter point.

Broke - I have a job that pays $12 an hour and I live at home. How can I be broke you ask? Well, we build a house, I make bank for 3-6 weeks, and then there's nothing for a month or two. That hurts me, bad.

Single - I may just give up in this area for the time being. I couldn't make it to Lexington in time, so I missed out there. The women here just suck. The one in Evansville went to work at camp, and will undoubtedly loose interest by the time she gets back (I know how these things work.) Wah wah, boo hoo, I know. Fuck you.

Bored - I still get to do conventions and such with the club . . . not to mention weekly parties, and yet I still find myself staring at this screen an inordinate amount of my day. Of course, if I had work, this wouldn't be a problem.

Keep reaching for that star, William. Go me.


Oh, and I seem to have picked up a random Carbondale viewer. Sup.